9 posts tagged “people”

This is one of the most remarkable videos I've ever seen. Granted, the song playing in the background does a lot for it, because otherwise it's just a silly guy doing a silly dance all over the world with lots of different people. But you know what? It's refreshing to see that everyone can be silly, that everyone can dance, and that everyone can smile. It shows that the crooked timber of humanity isn't totally bent, and that we all have a shared humanity and a Creator that loves us and put care into making each of us.

Also, I want to travel as much as this guy has. He's lucky, and you should check out his website to learn how he pulled this off. Till then, my summer program is going well (although the kids can be a hassle) and I can't wait to be back at the beach. God bless you!

If there's one subject that SSA-strugglers seem to write about a great deal, it's loneliness. I suppose when the potential for a spouse and children seems dim, people tend to put a great deal more worry into whether or not they will end up alone. This certainly isn't exclusive to SSA-strugglers. I have several straight friends (my age, even!) who, for one reason or another, worry about ending up alone and unloved. Worrying about loneliness is simply a human problem, and sometimes very bad decisions come out of a desire to simply not be alone (if you've ever known anyone who can't go two weeks without being in a relationship, you know what I mean.)

I've often heard sound Christian advice given to those who deal with loneliness (of all orientations and walks of life.) It usually goes along the lines of, "Let Christ be your companion in lonely times. Let Him fulfill your desires for intimacy." Now, like I said, that's very good advice. When one feels lonely, instead of turning to despair and cynicism, they should turn to the Bible and meditations on Christ instead. That sounds a lot simpler than it really is (trust me, I know!), but if the advice is truly taken to heart, it works. However, there are other ways to let Christ be your companion, and they don't all involve sitting at home with your Bible in hand.

Over Spring Break, I spent most of my time at home. None of my old friends from high school were on break at the time (and I seriously fault the UNC system for not synchronizing the Spring Breaks of its many branches.) My parents were in and out, and remember that I live in a very isolated neck of the woods, about a mile and a half from the main road on an old farm. Needless to say, I was very lonely and bored.

I realized that my grandmother, who has been widowed now for more than a year (from her husband of 60+ years), might want some company. I visited her, and I have to say I really enjoyed the experience. She's a very tough old woman, but she's sad and lonely for the most part nowadays. Yes, she gets regular phone calls and visits from my mother, father, aunts, and uncle, but apart from that she spends her time alone in her old house, attending to daily chores that she's performed for years and years. I can relate to that type of loneliness in some ways, because I've imagined (in moments of fear and doubt) that it could happen to me. However, can I say I've actually experienced it? No. Not at all.

So I visited with my grandmother and tried my best to ease some of her loneliness. At the same time, I found that my own fears and doubts about ending up old and alone were calmed. The thing is loneliness is a fact of life, at least for those who grow old. You have to deal with it, and I think one of the best ways to deal with it is to find others who are also lonely. It's an elementary solution, if you think about it. I'm sure any Christian knows that helping others often helps the helper as much as it helps those that were helped (enjoy that sentence, why don't you?)

But you can't just sit around and wait for people to find you and fill your life. Sure, my grandmother doesn't get out much, but at the same time she's elderly and many of the people that she would visit have passed on. If I'm lonely, however, there's nothing stopping me from calling a friend or family member. There's nothing stopping me from being there for someone else when they need me. Whatever you do, it will be done back to you. So, if you don't want to end up alone and unloved, then you had best get to easing the loneliness of others and loving others.

To be fair, these ideas aren't all mine. Hitch was noticing my slightly reclusive nature and, frankly, was getting a little annoyed by my constant worries about the future. There's only one future, though, and that's the one I make. I can't whine about being lonely when I'm sitting home alone, unwilling to go out and visit people. He was right there, and I hope to take his advice to heart and spread it around. Take care, everyone!

As a warning, this blog post is coming straight from my Journal (you know, the one I don't post online). As such, it is a little stream-of-consciousness and perhaps even incoherent at points. If you can get it, then good for you. If not, have a nice day. :)

It's strange, but sometimes I feel like my personality is shaped more by who I want to be (or who I think I am) and who I actually am. Does that make sense? When I was in high school, I saw myself as this big intellectual. I suppose I was when compared to a lot of my classmates, but when I came to college I realized that I really am not that smart.

So, I had to forge a new identity. I didn't know who I wanted to be but I knew that I did not want to be the guy who thought he was an intellectual when he really wasn't. So, I tried to find who I was. I had average intelligence, modest looks, and a slightly loud and obnoxious streak in my personality.

But did I really? Okay, so I'm not as smart when it comes to politics, philosophy, and theology as I previously hoped, but I do think I have a knack for understanding people. I may not be a model, but at least Hitch things I'm attractive. I know I'm not the quiet type, but am I really obnoxious? I certainly don't have a problem with saying what I think, but something is wrong with telling yourself that you are a certain way, because then that is what you become.

I guess it all comes down to finding the parts of our personality that need changing, while at the same time having the wisdom to know the parts that cannot (and should not) change.

Okay, I've decided that until more interesting stuff develops in my relationship with Hitch, I'm not going to blog about it, just because you probably don't want to hear all the confusing details of my scatterbrained thoughts on the issue. What I will blog about, though, is how certain friends are being great right now, just by taking the time to listen to the ramblings going on in my head.

Only a few people (in the so-called real world) know of my decision to remain celibate and my conservative interpretation of the Bible's passages on homosexuality. When Hitch first asked me out on a date, I went to four of these friends for advice. Two were girls, two were guys, two were conservative, two were liberal, and all were Christian. As expected, I got a variety of views, but the one piece of advice that they all agreed on was, "Be honest." It was good advice, because that's exactly what I aim to be.

One of the friends I went to was a guy from my Bible study named Austin. He's a really cool guy. He's very trustworthy and a natural leader, and it was the aura of trust around him that made him one of the first people I came out to when I got to college. Granted, we're not really good friends. We don't have anything in common except for our love of Christ. He's definitely a big, tough guy while I, of course, have admitted to having a little more "sugar in my step." ;-)

Nevertheless, it's easy to talk to him, and he's a great listener. I told him of my concerns, and he asked many questions about what I was looking for in the relationship, what I believed in terms of God's plan for human sexuality, and how I expected to go about reconciling the two. He's conservative and agrees with most of my choices, and he said that I could trust that he wouldn't tell anyone else in the Bible study. My response was that I didn't care who he told.

I have no shame in my struggles, nor do I have shame in my orientation. If my story can help end some of the bigotry and prejudice that, unfortunately, abounds in Evangelical circles, then I don't care if it's shouted from the rooftops. Of course, whenever I express this, I'm always warned that I should be "careful" when it comes to who I talk to. I don't think that should happen. I hold transparency in the highest esteem, and I think it's a shame that most Christians don't.

How can we really share our struggles and the joys that God has blessed us with if we're only advised to "get personal" with one or two people? Can't I be personal with everyone? Can't I tell someone exactly what's going on in my life, even if I don't know them that well? To me, the very bond of being a Christian should mean that there will be automatic trust, concern, and a lack of judgment whenever I share something with other believers. It's a shame that other people don't expect this.

When I'm in some Christian circles, I just get the feeling that everyone is plastic. Sure, they have struggles. But they don't share them. They might have one or two people whom they trust, but otherwise there's this veneer of happiness and joy. No one wears their emotions on their sleeves. That, or they genuinely are that happy all the time. I don't buy that.

Being transparent is hard. There is, of course, a balance that must be found between being open and being polite and appropriate. But some people take politeness to the extreme, to the point where they just seem too perfect. It's almost intimidating. Personally, I've always worn my emotions on my sleeve. I can't really hide or back down or pretend that I'm someone I'm not. If I can be myself around God, why can't I be myself around His Christians? Yes, I understand that lacking an "outer shell" makes my personality seem unstable. I know that in this blog alone I've described myself as shy, ambitious, energetic, mellow, ditsy, and intellectual. It just depends on how I feel at the time. But at least those things are mine, and not something that I've had to build.

What are your thoughts on transparency? How open should we be with other Christians? For bloggers, how open should we be on our blogs? Sometimes I get concerned that I share too much here, but it is an easy place to be oneself. Hope everyone is blessed, and apologies for the rambling, spastic tone of the post. It's a Thursday. :)

I watched this presentation in one of my classes this week and it literally blew my mind.  I mean, the information presented really isn't that surprising.  We can see everyday how communication technology and its users are growing almost exponentially.  The world is changing very rapidly, and despite all the naysayers, I think people are catching on and are able to adapt to the changes.  In short, when a lot of Christians are saying we're in some kind of end times, I think things are looking up.

Some people see the growth of technology and see something inherently evil.  I never have.  I mean, I understand the story of the Tower of Babel and all that, but I've always seen mankind's pursuit of knowledge and connection as something that is God-given.  We have a mind, and He wants us to use it.  We could not match Him even remotely no matter how hard we tried, and I think the important thing is not to try--to realize that we are merely low humans and cannot compete with the Master of Universe.

That being said, God gave us an amazing thing.  When you sit back and look at what the human mind has accomplished, you realize just what an amazing aspect of Creation it is.  To me, the sight of a skyscraper, an airplane, or a computer has always just filled me with a just little more awe than a tree, an ocean, or a mountain.  The latter are things that God has created.  We can't compete with them.  The former, however, are things that we've created, using the mind that God gave us.

If we can build our own artificial habitats, soar above the clouds, land on the moon, and create systems that can interact with billions of people at once, just think of what God can do?  Human creation, I think, is one of the biggest mirrors of what God's creation can be like.  After all, we were made in His image.

That's why I don't understand people who look at videos like the one above and are full of fear.  Change happens and will always happen.  Somehow stifling our God-given creativity in an effort to return to "simpler times" is not the answer.  Using our creativity to connect with other humans and build each other up in the Lord, however, is.

I am terribly sorry that I didn't "live blog" from New Orleans as promised. The hotel where we stayed did not offer free Internet access (I could buy it for $5.00 an hour, though: yeah right). To be honest, I probably wouldn't have blogged even if I could have. There was simply too much to do and I was too tired most nights. Therefore, I hope this little wrap-up will do justice to that absolutely amazing week.

I might as well start off at the beginning: the sixteen-hour drive we had to take to get from NC to Nawlins. Raised in a somewhat Bohemian household, I know how to appreciate the wonders of travel and being on the road (5AM gas station runs, heading to fast-food places right before closing time, etc.) Still, it is a little tiring after awhile, especially when all you're seeing is hours of indistinguishable interstate. The best part of the drive was the great music I listened to from everyone's mixtapes. As soon as I got back to NC, you best believe I started downloading some Imogen Heap, Iver, The Appleseed Cast (Peregrine rocks!), Modest Mouse, and the soundtrack to Wicked (Idina Menzel is a stage goddess, by the way).

The organization that I went to New Orleans with was my campus' chapter of Campus Crusade for Christ, an excellent group that I've written about before and am blessed to have found. There were over 300 volunteers from "Cru" in New Orleans for Spring Break, some driving from as far away as Maine and California. We all stayed in the downtown Hilton, a hotel that seemed rather ritzy for a bunch of college-aged volunteers (of course, we later learned that "Cru" was given a discount, as are many other volunteer groups). I'll admit it was very nice and I hadn't been looking forward to sleeping in tents like the volunteers last year did anyway. However, it felt wrong to return to a hotel with two heated pools, tennis courts, and lavish room service every night after viewing the utter devastation that most of the city was still dealing with.

And Nawlins was definitely devastated. I was expecting there to have been a lot more rebuilt than what actually turned out to be the case. The majority of the houses have barely been touched since Katrina, and from the estimates I've heard, only about a fourth of the city's original population has returned. It was sad, and almost overwhelming, to see the devastation. Driving around in the Ninth Ward was like being in an abandoned, war-torn city. There was literally nothing there except rubble and the remnants of houses. I almost cried.

I almost cried after finishing my week of volunteer work, too, but that was because I was really sad that it was ending. My team (of about 15 students) did a little bit of everything throughout the week, from house gutting to yard work to cleaning up the cafeteria and playground at an elementary school. I met such a wonderful sampling of people, and the hope I could see in them was almost too much to bear. There was a man who lost his album collection (of over 200,000) and Catholic man with a Jewish fiancee who were going to get married in the garden of their newly reconstructed house (by an "Episcopalian Wiccan" friend of theirs, no less). There was a very chatty waitress at Cafe du Monde and several cafeteria ladies with thick Creole accents, and an old woman who knew everything about everybody in her neighborhood, and a Baptist minister who led us in prayer and then fixed pina colada smoothies for us after we had finished working. And then there were some AmeriCorps hippies who were living in a warehouse downtown and who invited us to a bonfire on our last night (where we also heard a musician named "Sista Otis" play).

It was, in a word, magical. And the whole experience brought me closer to God and closer to other people. I'm sure I missed something profound that happened, because there was so much that was important to me that I can't fit it all in one post. All I know is that it was a great time, and I definitely want to go back. Peace out.

P.S. I have a lot of post ideas hitting me right now, so check back every other day or so for them. I promise I'll get them done this time. Nawlins really energized me to, you know, do that "W" word. :)

To get the ball rolling, I'd like to thank everyone for their thoughts and prayers this past week. It really means a lot to me, and if my family knew about this blog, I'm sure it would mean a lot to them, too. The service was beautiful. Though sad, ultimately it felt more like a celebration of a life well-lived, with a slight touch of "We'll see you soon" thrown in. Now I'm just hoping that my grandmother can get back on her feet, even though I know that she'll probably never be the same.

Well, to change the subject, I thought everyone would like to know how "Life to Life" went a week or so ago. I had planned on speaking about this sooner, but of course my family's circumstances got in the way. Now, I think I'm ready to speak about it. To tell the truth, it went easier than I thought it would. Like usual, I had made a bigger deal about it than the other guys did. In fact, I found that in telling my own life story, or even the story of my salvation, I found that my sexuality wasn't what I focused on. I mentioned it, of course, as a struggle that I had been presented with, but I found that there were many other things that I felt were greater struggles, and that I felt God had delivered me from in His grace.

One of the things that I haven't focused on in this blog, because I used to see it as irrelevant, was what a miserable person I was in high school. No, I wasn't sad. Perhaps miserly is more of a word to describe it. I was an isolated person. Yes, I had friends, and they were good friends that I'm very thankful for, but ultimately I was a mean-spirited and vindictive person. I wasn't a bully. I didn't pick fights with people. I think I was something worse. I was a gossiper.

Oh yes, if there was anything sordid going on at my high school, you could be sure that I knew about it or knew enough about it that I could make the rest up and pass it on as "fact." I had no respect for the private lives of others, and in some cases I actually used rumors to hurt others. I was not a nice person, and the fact that I had friends at all was strange to me. But then again, I kind of hung around with the "popular" -- or at least the well-known -- kids at school, and every group of cool kids needs its resident gossip. I'm sad to say that it was me.

Telling the guys in Bible study that part of my life was pretty hard. For one, it's hard to get people to want to trust you when you admit that keeping a secret was once the lowest thing on your priority list. Two, it's just hard admitting what a slimeball I was back then. Sure, I was nice. I worked hard. I played sports. I went to church. But there was this sneaky little part of me that just wanted to cause a stir. It was selfish, and proud, and altogether sinful. And, thank the Lord, I feel that I've been delivered from it.

Honestly, true change for me can be exemplified by the change in my demeanor from high school to college. The gossiping, the petty conflicts that I capitalized on, the squabbles: none of that appeals to me, and to tell the truth it disgusts me. Perhaps back then I was so in the closet that I wanted all rumors to deflect away from me, so I started them myself. Or maybe I was hurting due to the isolation that my sexuality brought on, so I tried to isolate others. Either way, something has been met in me that has stopped my acid tongue. I'm comfortable with who I am. I have friends that I trust and who trust me. Heck, I just found out today that I was nominated to represent my dorm as the nominee for the Snow Ball King later this month (and I haven't anything to wear...) I'm a totally different person now, and I thank God for that.

That, basically, is what I focused on in "Life to Life." It really wasn't the most interesting story. I realize just how lucky I have been compared to some of the other guys. I was raised in a loving Christian home. I had everything I needed or wanted growing up, and now I have a great relationship with Christ and great Christian fellowship. Truly, I can't complain.

P.S. -- Did I tell you guys that I'm headed to New Orleans over Spring Break? I'm in a group that's helping out with Hurricane Katrina relief. I'm so excited! :)

My grandfather passed away yesterday. He was living in a nursing home and would have turned 85 later this month. Though I was expecting to get the call about his death sooner or later, it still hurts terribly. I am blessed to have such a great group of friends around. While I was working at the desk last night, I was given a sympathy card with everyone's signatures on it. I'm truly blessed to have those friends, and to have known my grandfather. He was quite a character: strong and stubborn till the end, but with a soft heart when it came to children. I'm going to miss him.

Today was one of those really nice days. For one, the weather was perfect. I mean, I'm color-blind, but I swear that the sky was the most vibrant shade of blue I've ever seen it ;-) There wasn't a cloud in sight, the temperature was warm, and there was a light breeze that just made sitting in a lecture hall seem so wrong. Luckily, my Geography class (which is my smallest class; there's only about 20 of us) got to take a little field trip to the campus' wildlife reserve. That was fun.

Basically, we just hiked down some trails and made notes about the plants we were seeing as the teacher talked. That itself wasn't fun, but I enjoyed hiking with my classmates. One of the things I dislike about college is that classes don't feel like communities. They did in high school, because you actually did stuff as opposed to listen to the teacher blab on for a straight hour. But in college you just don't talk to your classmates unless they happen to live in your dorm (in which case you bug them about the homework assignments and use them as a guide to when you should start your essays. If they start a week before the due date--you do. If they don't--you don't. And if you're both stuck working on papers at 1:00 AM the night before they are due, at least you have someone to share your suffering.)

Anyway, back to the bonding-with-my-classmates thing. I've already met a girl in Geo named Meggan who seems to be my feminine alter-ego, at least to a creative degree. She's an aspiring writer, too. We've talked a lot about our respective works and the difficulties we've faced with plotting, dialogue, and character development (I know, so pretentiously intellectual, right. Hey, this is college). I told her about the novel I wrote back in high school (and I'll tell y'all about it in good time), and I gave it to her last week. She had it finished by today and said she thoroughly enjoyed it. (:-D) Hopefully she wasn't just saying that to spare my feelings. It'll add to my confidence (or arrogance ;-) either way.

Other than that, I just made small talk with people. It was easy, since I started out at the back of the group, and by the end of the hike had kind of moved my way up. I especially enjoyed talking to the girls who were not enjoying the hike in the least. Too much fresh air for them, I guess ;-) I also talked to a middle-aged woman named Tracie. She's actually a faculty member at the school. She's not working towards any kind of degree; she's just taking a class for the fun of it (or at least that's what I inferred--she said they were allowed to take a free class a semester). Anyway, she's a very nice lady and says she really enjoys being around all the other 18-19 year-olds in the class.

A member of my small-group Bible study is also in Geo with me. His name's Rick, and he's a really nice guy and has been really candid with the other guys in the group about his problems. He's trying to quit smoking, and he's gone an entire week without lighting up. For someone quitting cold turkey, I assume that's pretty good. There are other problems too, but I won't print them here. I'll just say that everyone else is being pretty candid and that's great--I just wish I felt as comfortable expressing my, um, issues.

However, I have found one person in my group that I felt comfortable sharing it with, and last night I did. I really hadn't planned on it; it just kind of worked out that way. You see, after we said our closing prayer and went our separate ways for the night, Austin, the group leader, and I hung out in the apartment for a little while longer. One of Austin's friends had one of the most idiotic games in his possession. Seriously, I don't know who invented this thing, but what it is is a metallic device with four handles. What do you do? Why, each guy takes a handle, and then someone activates the "game"--which proceeds to deliver a mild electric shock to the handles. The person who holds onto their handle the longest "wins." :/ Needless to say when I got shocked, I uttered a pretty standard four-letter-word, accentuated with a not-so-holy "holy" in front of it.

No one blamed me, of course, but it did allow Austin and I to have a conversation about our struggles with swearing on our way home (or at least his struggle--I have to admit I have a mouth like a sailor sometimes and I really don't think twice about it *dodges stones*). Anyway, he talked about how he was really trying to stop using the word "gay" (for those who don't know, it's a common adjective today that not only means happy or homosexual, but also "stupid.") I told him that I was really relieved to hear that. I told him that that word infuriates me sometimes, and from there it really wasn't too far of a jump to admit to him that I struggled with same-sex attraction. He didn't seem the least bit surprised, and admitted he had been a little suspicious (making me wonder if I was that much of a flamer? ;-) He took it very well, was genuinely courteous and respectful and seemed to admire my position in regards to the whole thing. He said my "secret" was safe with him, that I'm not the first Christian to admit this to him, and that I could always call on him. Basically, I couldn't have asked for it to go better. So maybe that four-letter word was the perfect catalyst. Hey, God works in mysterious ways.

All in all, it's been a good 24 hours. I don't know who said "hell is other people," but I have to say I differ. Based on the ones I've met since I've gotten here (and the ones I've met throughout my life period), I'd have to say that other people are closer to heaven.