13 posts tagged “music”
I'm not sure if I've written about this before or not, but I love new beginnings. Doesn't matter if it's a new day, new month, new week, or new year. I just love the feeling of starting over, even though it's mostly an illusion. Life is a continuum, not a chapter book, but the latter is how I treat it a lot of the time.
I suppose I simply like the idea of having life all neat and tidy and in clear-cut stages. I have a tendency to live my life like it's a chapter book. I'll be on a spiritual high where I'm feeling good and am relatively pure, then I'll have a moment of weakness and sin in a "major" way that will make me sulk around for a few days or weeks while I doubt my own salvation and whether or not God has really worked any transformation in my life. Then some new week or month will roll around and I'll perk up, and the whole cycle will start over again.
Now, I know that the Christian life has spiritual ups and downs. C.S. Lewis wrote extensively on this in "The Screwtape Letters." However, I feel that my spiritual ups and downs are too frequent and too extreme. Compared to what, you might ask? Good question. I really don't know. My mind says "other Christians" but, to tell the truth, it's not like other Christians would really be able to tell if I was on a spiritual low. It's really a personal thing, and from all sources I've read it's relatively normal to experience. How a Christian deals with it, I gather, is the important part. Frankly, I don't know how.
I just don't like the lows. I enjoy and am at the most wonderful state of peace and strength when I am on a spiritual high -- when I'm connected to God, overcoming temptations easily, praying like I've never prayed before, and truly desiring to be deep in God's Word. When the lows hit, though, it can be devastating. I become truly desperate for God and the slightest glimmer of evidence that He's working in my life. You've probably seen the cycle play out in this blog several times before.
Right now I'm entering a new month with "new" resolve to be pure and obedient to Christ. Hopefully it will last, and even more hopefully I'll be able to reflect on the experience in a way that is Christ-centered instead of self-centered.
Of course, I'm not the only person who likes new starts. Trendy female singer-songwriters like them too, and of course, knowing me, I have a song and a YouTube video for every occasion. Enjoy Yael Naim and the song "New Soul," from the most recent MacBook commercials.
I realized the other day that "musician" is one of the words that I use to describe myself in my Blogger profile. However, I've never really clarified what I mean by "musician." At the time I wrote the profile, I was learning to play guitar, and I assumed that by the end of that year I would be fairly good. That, I'm afraid, was a poor assumption. I simply did not have the time to continue practicing guitar, and I did not have enough passion for the instrument to make time to learn it.
However, I still consider myself a "musician" in some ways. I come from a very musical family. My dad actually is a musician, and music of all types could always be heard in the atmosphere of my home. I'm always listening to something, singing something, or humming the tune to some very random, off-the-wall song. I don't know how well I can sing in comparison to other people (although I do know that I can carry a tune), but I know that I certainly like to sing, and that's enough for me.
Anyway, this love of singing helped me sign up for a karaoke competition that my college is doing. In a knock-off of "American Idol," the contest held auditions in each of the dorms and apartment complexes across campus. One contestant will be selected from each area, and later this month all the contestants will sing a song, karaoke-style, in front of over 1,000 people. There's a pretty nice prize for the winner, so I thought it couldn't hurt to try out.
I auditioned last night. There were only about seven people from my apartment complex signed up, so the competition wasn't too large, I suppose. I sang Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." Oddly enough, I wasn't nervous at all going in. I am rarely nervous, actually. However, as I was singing my heart started to flutter, and my voice cracked a little about halfway through the song. I finished the best I could, and left a little embarrassed. At least I had fun hanging out with the other contestants while I was waiting for my turn!
Anyway, I doubt I'll win my area. Some of the girls that were auditioning could really sing and took voice lessons. Either way, I'm surprised that the thought of winning, which means I'll have to perform in front of a huge crowd, doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I'd really like the opportunity to perform in front of a huge auditorium full of people. Isn't that strange for someone who, in a lot of ways, considers himself shy? Perhaps performing is different than normal social situations.
I'm certainly a quiet person in my day-to-day life. I'm involved in tons of stuff and try to talk to everyone, but I don't really say much of substance, if you know what I mean. I'm a bit plain, even though I'm involved. That's fine with me. It's my personality. It's just not exactly the kind of personality that one would expect from someone who likes the thought of being a performer. I mean, I'm applying to be on the next season of "Survivor," yet I consider myself quiet and plain.
Am I just a little delusional, or is it really possible to be shy, yet at the same time willing to show your bare essence -- whether it be through stage, music, writing, or television -- to groups of total strangers? It's weird. I guess I just have a tendency to wear lots of different personalities and hats, depending on the situations and company. Maybe I have a split personality. :)
Well, thanks for reading this random introspection. Hope you all have a great day!
So... I'm packing up and getting ready to leave for Fall Break. Yeah, I can't believe it either. It's actually Fall Break already! The semester is really going by too quickly for me. Next thing you know I'm going to be out of college and working. But let us not speak of such things now...
I'm really looking forward to Fall Break. I'm heading to Virginia with my folks, and we're going to visit my cousins, who I haven't seen in a while. I'm really looking forward to this opportunity to just hang out with my family, which I haven't had a chance to do in what seems like forever.
But that's not really the reason I hit "Create New Post" today, and I'm beating around the bush a bit. :) It seems that yesterday an acquaintance of mine--a popular, attractive, and recently single gay guy--contacted me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to go get coffee with him and catch a movie next Friday. Without really thinking, I said "yes." I mean, I figured that it was just coffee and a movie. No big deal. Then I remembered that he was gay... and that I was gay... and that we had never even really hung out in a group before, let alone spent time by ourselves... and he was single... and I said "yes" even though I don't drink coffee.
Crap, I'm going on a date. Kinda. I mean, he didn't say date but that's what it feels like to me, and of course that makes me a little anxious. I've never really been on a real date with a girl, let alone a guy. I've certainly never spent one-on-one time with a non-Christian, single gay man. So while this might not be a date to him (and I'm hoping it isn't), it feels like a date to me. And I'm totally anxious and excited at the same time. I thought a lot of the anxiety might be because of my religious beliefs and the obvious hindrance that they would (rightly) put on "normal" dating. Then some friends (straight, struggling, and gay alike) reminded me that everyone gets nervous before a date, so maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Actually, I'm sure I am. It's just coffee and a movie with a funny, smart, and good-looking company. I'm hoping to get a good friend out of this and that's it. Still, I am already thinking about what I should wear... :) I hope that your weekends are wonderful. I'll leave you with this totally awesome song: "Wine Red" by The Hush Sound. Enjoy!
This past weekend I went on a Fall Retreat with my college's Campus Crusade. I really enjoy Cru, despite the fact that some of its hiring practices seem very hypocritical to me (it's not the point of the post, so if you want to know what I mean, follow the link and take a guess!) My school's Cru chapter is an amazing group of people, and it's often so wonderfully evident how much God is at work in them. They are Catholic, Pentecostal, Reformed, Methodist, liberal, conservative, emo, punk, preppy--everything! They really put the "universal" in "universal church," you know? I'm not saying this as a means to fawn about diversity on a superficial level. I just think that it's one of the best examples I've ever seen of Galatians 3:28.
Of course, despite its mix of people, Cru is in a lot of ways your standard college ministry. And by that I mean they play a lot of contemporary Christian music at their worship services. I mean a lot. I think I've mentioned before that I'm not a big fan of CCM. I mean, I understand that the old hymns I know and love were once the contemporary songs of their day, but there's just something about modern Christian music that doesn't exactly get me as "fired up" as some old gospel songs sung to bluegrass (which is, incidentally, the music of angels if you didn't know. :-)
Granted, there are many songs that I do like. "Days of Elijah" and "Inside Out" are two of my favorite regular songs they play at Cru, and I always get into much more of a "praise mode" when they start playing. Still, I've noticed that my "praise mode" is very different from that of most of the Christians at Cru. While they worship with their eyes closed and their hands raised, sometimes getting so energized that I would say they're "rocking out," I tend to be very withdrawn when I worship. My hands are folded, my head is down, I sway a bit, and I sing quietly. I'm not saying that my way is better or anything, but I just think it's strange how some people can be so energetic, while I just want to be quiet and still when I think about God.
I think worship brings us in touch with sides of ourselves that we didn't know existed. Some of the most energetic, hyper, and enthusiastic worshippers I know are people who are very quiet and reserved in their day-to-day actions. I, on the other hand, am a very quiet worshipper, but in my day-to-day I'm loud and hyper.
Also, I think that I have other outlets for my natural desires for movement and dance. A lot of the folks at Cru, unfortunately, only listen to praise music. So while I can fulfill my desires for motion or energy by listening to some good old Rolling Stones or... dare I say it? ... Rihanna, they might have been raised thinking that Christian music was really the only proper kind of music, and thus for them it's used for everything from praise to partying. Not saying one way is particularly better than the other, I'm just thinking about the different ways that we find ourselves worshiping the same awesome God.
Autumn is back in North Carolina, and as always it's a big hit in my book. I love the cool breezes and the clear blue skies. The natural world may begin to die in autumn, but to tell the truth I'd be hard-pressed to find a time of year that filled me with a greater sense of warmth, newness, truth, and light.
Today I was walking back from my old dorm towards my apartment. As I walked, the sun shone right in my eyes. There was just so much light! I saw people out--some I knew, most I didn't--playing soccer, tennis, volleyball, and basketball. People were out walking, running, riding their bikes, playing with their dogs. It was just all so nice, and to think this happens all the time and I barely notice it. I also had the song "Wind" by Japanese pianist Akeboshi in my head. Despite the fact that Akeboshi's thick accent is hard to understand, it's still a beautiful song. Either way, I could really feel God's presence there with me.
I wonder if I can feel like that every day, when the sun is not in my eyes and the weather isn't as perfect. How about when I'm caught in the rain, when I'm stressed out, when my life isn't going the way I want it to, when there are no good songs in my head. Can I still feel God's presence then?
Surely I can, for He is always with me. A beautiful God, He takes me as I am, though others may not. No wonder I would give up love and family to serve Him. To feel everyday the way I've felt today--even when the September high passes--would be worth it.
I like college because it exposes you to a variety of things, and music is definitely one of them. I recently heard this song from Canadian singer-songwriter Feist and I immediately fell in love with it. I like quirky female artists like that; some other examples being Regina Spektor and Tori Amos. The music video is pretty awesome, too. Like I said, I'm flashy. Not that I would ever wear an outfit similar to Feist's, mind you, but I do like the general affect. I promise I'll have something more substantial coming soon! Adios.
So, I think it's been established that I'm a big music fan. I love and listen to pretty much anything, and I'm one of those people who you'll see singing random songs at any odd moment of the day. Music is a soundtrack to my life, and there's nothing better than turning on a radio, putting your car into gear, and heading down the road. I love radios more than iPods, because I like being surprised by what's coming up next, and it's a great way to hear new music. YouTube, believe it or not, is also a good place to hear new stuff, or even old stuff that you haven't heard before. Here are three songs that I've had playing around in my head recently.
The first is an instrumental piece that I once heard in a trailer for some Japanese movie, the second is a Tracy Bonham song (I like chick music, what can I say?), and the third is a sample of the song "Oceans Away" by The Fray, from their Reason EP. Since I use Dogpile and Ruckus to get my music, I have a hard time finding quality songs in their full form sometimes.
I guess that's the trouble you get when you try to keep it legal. If anyone has (or can download) a complete version of "Oceans Away" in MP3 form and can e-mail it to me, that would be awesome. It really is a great song. Oh, and for those in my Neighborhood, check out the private post below. Have a great day, and enjoy the tunes!
Update 5/7/2007: Seems like the "Oceans Away" file type is not supported by Vox. Here's a live performance if you want to hear the song. Again, I would appreciate the song if anyone could get it to me. My Tracy Bonham link didn't work either, so I inserted a performance from the Tonight Show.
Update 5/8/2007: A friend of mine e-mailed me an MP3 of "Oceans Away." A lot of work for just one song, but hey, sometimes it's worth it.
The other night at Bible study a conversation arose about the many cliques and social groups of middle and high school. Some people remembered those days fondly, while others (like myself) didn't find the nostalgia all that pleasing. All of us, however, saw fault in our younger selves for placing too much emphasis on "fitting in" back in those days. That got me thinking about how little fitting in means to me now, and then I realized that it actually doesn't mean that little. Quite to my surprise, it still means quite a lot. Sure, college might have gotten rid of such rigid groupings as The Jocks, The Popular Kids, The Nerds, The Preps, and The Rebels. But those are just surface definitions, anyway. The point is, the drive to fit in still does matter. It still influences college students...and if I'm not mistaken, probably adults as well.
I suppose it's just a natural human drive to want to fit in. Of course, it's a little hard sometimes to know exactly what one means when they say they want to fit in, or that they don't fit in at all. I would say that fitting in is just a sense of commonality or belonging, but I've found that even when I have those things I don't always get the sense that I'm "fitting in" with a particular group of people. Something about me always makes me feel a little bit like an outsider.
The clearest example is my inability to "fit in" with modern Christians. Everyone knows that I'm a Christian. I try to wear my faith on my sleeve as much as possible (heck, I wear everything there nowadays). But I've found that doing so does little good, for my faith is very modest, reserved, and quiet. It's very non-emotional at times: a friend described it as "businesslike." I'm not one for contemporary Christian music and I prefer philosophical/rational language to traditional religious language any day. I'm uncomfortable with the phrases "I got saved," "he/she got saved," "we win souls for Christ," etc. etc. I mean, I know people do get saved, and I know that evangelism plays an essential role in that, but for some reason putting it that way makes it too simple, too ready-to-be-mocked.
I'm not one for religious billboards or movies or those little kitsch paintings showing Jesus in the clouds watching over truckers below (I've seen one, I kid you not). I don't wave my arms in the air when I worship. I don't put Bible verses on my Facebook profile. You get the picture. In short, I just don't fit in with mainstream Christians. I don't feel the need to do all the things that many of them do. Don't get me wrong: I love my Christian friends. They're probably my closest friends, for having a relationship with Christ is probably one of the most essential points of commanality, surpassing any and all trivial differences.
Yet even with a lot of them I just feel like an outsider sometimes. I don't think it's my homo-ness that does it (though it could contribute a little, at least with the guys). I think it's just my nature. My personality has a tendency to be aloof and not altogether warm (remember my results for that personality test?) I guess that just sets me apart sometimes. Maybe it doesn't matter, though. I know I'm filled with Christ's love. I just think I express it in a different way than most, and I'm grateful that "fitting in" is not a requirement for salvation. Peace out, everyone.
Update 2/22/07: I know I said I disliked most contemporary Christian music, but this Sufjan Stevens song is an exception. Then again, I'm not sure he counts as contemporary Christian. Anyway, enjoy!
Hey all! Well, I think Maureen finally got around to cursing me for my excessive bragging about North Carolina weather. Today was miserable. It was just above freezing, there was a persistent rain that seemed to be coming from every direction, and the winds were so strong that my flimsy umbrella didn’t stand a snowball’s chance in You-Know-Where. The worst part was the fact that Thursdays are my busiest days. I’m in and out all day long, and every trek to class made me thoroughly soaked. I must have changed clothes at least twice. Plus, I had an exam that I didn’t study for, and a paper that I had to make 10 copies of (note: copying machines are now a step up on my Worst Enemy List. Maureen’s on there too if I ever find proof that she caused today’s weather). But now for the good news. There’s a chance that I might get to go to New Zealand for four weeks over the summer. There’s a neat program where you can spend two weeks doing conservation volunteer work, and another two weeks doing outdoor adventure stuff. I was sold when they mentioned “black water rafting,” which sounds like whitewater rafting except for the fact that the river you’re doing down is underground. Which means, it’s inside a cave. Which means, it’s something that I think just might be the coolest thing ever. Spaces are limited, so cross your fingers and hope that I can go! Other good news is that I’m really just feeling happy. I think the shift in weather was good for me to a certain degree, because it kind of gave me a day that was memorable: a slight break from the routine. I often find that I get so caught up in the ebb and flow of daily life that weeks, months, and years go by without my really noticing or remembering the things about them that were special. Today was special, though, despite the cold wet socks, the muddy K-Swiss shoes, and the ruined umbrella. It was brisk, and it kept me on my toes, and the coldness of the outdoors made the warmth of the inside, the warmth of my friends, even more enjoyable. By the way, if you want to pray for something that’s totally irrelevant but just might make my day a week from now, pray that I can get tickets to the Straylight Run concert. They’re coming to town in about six days, and I haven’t gotten around to getting my tickets yet. If you haven’t heard of them, they’re an indie rock band that was formed by the former backup vocalist and bassist of Taking Back Sunday. They had one minor hit a few years back called “Existentialism on Prom Night,” the video to which I’ve put here. Enjoy!
I first heard this song a few years ago in a promo for Six Feet Under (a classic and almost perfect show, by the way). I haven't been able to download it, or watch the video, until recently. The song ("Breathe Me" by Sia) is powerful and haunting, and the video is simply cool. I hope you guys enjoy it. :-)
