Adventures of a Christian Collegian

Hey guys.

I've really enjoyed using VOX for the past few years, and it's really awesome to have met so many cool people here.  Unfortunately, it's kind of hard to cross-post everything I write on two blogs, and there aren't as many readers here as there are on Blogger.  So, if you're a new reader and you'd like to read more of me, or if you're an old reader and you'd like to keep up with my adventures, I ask that you please continue to read at my Blogger blog: Adventures of a Christian Collegian.

There's more stuff there anyway.  I'll leave a link to this blog on that blog just in case there was anything that I posted here that I didn't post there (but I don't think there is much).  Anyone can comment on Blogger, and of course you can always e-mail me and keep up with me, so I hope to see you people over there!

In Christ,

Jay

This is one of the most remarkable videos I've ever seen. Granted, the song playing in the background does a lot for it, because otherwise it's just a silly guy doing a silly dance all over the world with lots of different people. But you know what? It's refreshing to see that everyone can be silly, that everyone can dance, and that everyone can smile. It shows that the crooked timber of humanity isn't totally bent, and that we all have a shared humanity and a Creator that loves us and put care into making each of us.

Also, I want to travel as much as this guy has. He's lucky, and you should check out his website to learn how he pulled this off. Till then, my summer program is going well (although the kids can be a hassle) and I can't wait to be back at the beach. God bless you!

I just realized that in thirty days I will be back at school. No, class isn't starting that early. I'm going to be a Resident Adviser (RA) on campus, in an apartment complex for upperclassmen that opens several weeks before the rest of campus opens. Thus, I have to be on campus about a full month before class begins, training for my new job, but basically not doing a lot.

I've written before about how I like new beginnings. Well, new school years are no different, especially ones (like this upcoming one) that will involve new jobs, new roommates, and a new place to live. I'm really looking forward to next year, because I think it will give me a good opportunity to grow into the person that I want to be, a person who is hopefully also who God wants me to be.

I don't want to say that I've wasted my first two years of college. I know good and well I haven't. My experiences have made me who I am today, and I like that person (and reading back over all my old posts, I've realized just how much these last two years have changed me and helped me grow). At the same time, I feel like I've been a bit too passive. I have a pretty clear image of the man I want to be, and yet I haven't done much work to make myself that guy. This is actually a pretty convicting feeling. I remember when I first made a decision - a serious decision - to quit looking at pornography. I realized that before then, I had just been waiting around, hoping for the temptations to be taken away from me. God doesn't work like that; He expects us to work, and work I had to do (and still have to do) to remain pure in that area.

Basically, I'm trying to change the direction of my life. I feel as I've been coasting up to this point. I know that sounds too melodramatic. I mean, a MySpace page has just about as much depth. But in truth, I've just been getting a bit of a conviction that it's time I "put up or shut up" about certain things. Some of them are sinful habits or thought patterns that don't do me a lick of good and that I've been hanging on to for no good reason other than the fact that I'm used to them (and I'm not necessarily talking about sexuality-related stuff, either).

Some of these things I need to "put up or shut up" on are trivial. Like, I want to write more. Well, that means I need to write. I want to play the guitar. Well, that means I need to practice. I want to be healthier. Well, that means I need to get off my butt and get to the gym (that might be the hardest one, by the way. Even when the ever-so-handsome Hitch invited me to go work out with him while we were together I always found a way out of it).

And some are less trivial. I want to be pure? Well, I need to work on purity instead of just sitting around, hoping that God strikes me with lightning and makes me a perfect Christian man for whom chastity isn't a problem (does such a man even exist?) I want to be firm in my faith, able to defend it against my own insecurities, and not subject to as many doubts and flights of fancy? Well, I need to actually read some good theology books instead of just reading some snippets on blogs online. Oh, and "putting up or shutting up" in terms of reading the Bible (I still haven't read all of it) would also be a welcome change.

So, basically I have a bunch of resolutions for the school year. These aren't anything new, and I very well could fail at one or all of them (but I'm not going to be defeatist this early on in the game). I do know, however, that though my first two years of college definitely weren't wasted, there were some things about them that I'm ready to move on from. Like, I've had a boyfriend, so the constant pining about never having romance in my life is out the window (especially since I learned that romance in itself isn't what I really wanted anyway). Also, by now I have a great set of friends and family who love me (and who I love), so the constant self-centered and annoying worries about loneliness also need to go out the door. And like I said, these things won't happen on their own, but I have a great conviction that if I "put up or shut up" about them, things will change for me.

All in God's will and timing, though. I must remember that, as well.

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated this thing in a while. I think I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I'm currently working at a cool summer program at a university in North Carolina. It's really, really awesome. The kids (well, I guess they're teens) arrived yesterday and settled into the dormitory. This is a slightly different experience from the summer camp work that I did last summer. There isn't as much constant activity going on: no canoes or sailboats or archery lessons. Instead, the students have a lot of free time in which they can just hang out, and I have to admit I really enjoy hanging out with them.

There is a bit of an egotistical involved with working with kids. I almost forget what it was like to be in junior high, but I know for a fact that that's an age where every kid wants to be older. High school students are, by default, the coolest thing ever, and if that scale continues, then college students like myself must get a ton of bonus cool points. It's nice to know that you're being looked up to just because of something like your age, but then again that only lasts for so long. I'm going to have my group of guys for three weeks, and in that time I need to show them that I'm someone to be respected, but not necessarily befriended (that's the tricky part about working with kids, in that they really need to be bonding with their peers, not you).

Junior high and high school are also a tricky age, because even though you want to show yourself as superior to your students, they very well may be better at you in certain things. For example, I am wretched at basketball (or any kind of activity that requires excessive amounts of coordination, like good dancing). Still, my guys wanted to play. I couldn't say no, of course, so we played. And I got stomped. Hard.

But I shrugged it off. I couldn't apologize for it or make an excuse; I'm just not a big fan of basketball, and I assured them that even though they might win on the court, if we went to the cross country course there would be a different outcome. :) The point is, I at least showed them I was interested in what they were doing and wanted to bond with them. I think it's important for any person working with kids to own their faults (and even be confident in them). Laughing off your ineptitude is the best way to do things, I think. If you make it a joke; it's not embarrassing anymore, it's just another one of your personality quirks. And you don't lose any respect points.

I think this could be said about life in general. It's important to own your weaknesses. You don't really have to be proud of them, but just don't let them get to you. We all have our own strengths, interests, and weaknesses, and that's what makes us unique individuals. I guy who doesn't care for sports is still a guy, and I think he is just as capable of earning the respect of other guys. In fact, I know he's capable, because I fit that bill pretty well. :)

Anyway, this post kind of rambled because I'm tired, but I wanted to post something. I'll try to keep this updated as the summer goes on but I'm not quite sure how much time I'll have. In either case, I hope everyone is doing well! Later!

I believe in my last post I mentioned how I was bored and at home. Well, I'm not really either anymore! I decided to take a few days and head back down to my college's town to visit all my friends who live here in the summer. Man, I love this town, and also the fact that I have high speed Internet down here! Yay! So I figure that since right now the friend I'm staying with is asleep (and probably will be till noon or so) I should go ahead and blog. So with that, here goes.

It's really interesting, and a little sad, to hear some conservative Christian commentary on the recent decision by the California Supreme Court remove the ban on same-sex marriages. Now, in general, I have to say I disagree with the court's decision. Even taking personal opinions out of the mix here, I feel there was little legal basis for their decision and it went against the will of the people of the state of California... not to mention that their decision to allow same-sex marriage, but not allow plural marriage, sounds more like a "because we say so" than anything else. There didn't seem to be any logical sense to how they could remove one of the prerequisites for marriage (opposite genders) but not another (two people), and they didn't take time to bridge that logical gap. They just said so. I'm not usually a fan of the slippery slope argument, but let's face it, the court left themselves pretty wide open here.

But anyway, that's not the point of the post anyway, so before any of you decide to throw chairs at me, hear me out (especially if they are nice chairs). I have been increasingly saddened by the seeming inability of many Christian commentators to talk about this issue with grace or concern for homosexuals. I think one podcast by James White brought it home for me. Yes, there were plenty of good points made about the sinfulness of the sins involved, and the missteps that the court took in order to reach its decision. But still, I'm just frustrated... is there no way to talk about those things without having to resort to idiotic statements? I can't tell you how many faulty statistics and assertions I've heard around the Internet (i.e. "gays don't want marriage," "they have multiple partners a month," etc.) And don't get me started on broad, over-reaching, and unflattering (not to mention largely untrue) statements like "gays are selfish" or "gays are trying to destroy America." Seriously, it just blows my mind that Christians are still talking like that. It makes the ignorant hiccups (like references to "deciding to be a homosexual") really pale in comparison (though they are no less annoying, I've found).

Is it really too hard to imagine that commentating on things like same-sex marriage might actually be a good opportunity to reach out to homosexuals? I mean, the two just seem to go hand-in-hand to me, because Lord only knows how many gay men and women read and/or listen to these commentaries. But how can you reach out to a group if you lie about them, and just assume that the worst statistic you've read about them is true? How can you reach out to a group if you haven't taken any time to know where that group has come from? Choosing to have homosexual sex is one thing, but no one decides to be a homosexual, and hearing that little nugget is enough to turn people off (even people like me, who are conservative), because it shows that we're just not being listened to. I mean, it really makes me wonder if they actually care. I can't think of any other sin (short of murder, perhaps) that so many Christians just don't seem to be able to be gracious about.

It's especially sad when a lot of this commentary is coming from writers, like James White, that I really respect and who are usually a breath of fresh air in terms of their thoughtfulness and intelligence (especially when compared to other Evangelical commentators). I was at least hoping for some effort to reach out to homosexuals in that podcast, but nope, nothing. Even if the effort had been wrapped in bad, NARTH-style jargon it would be better than nothing. It would at least show that they, you know, care about us. It's frustrating, I guess, but it also makes me reflect and wonder if there are any sins or struggles that I am callous about. Is there any group that I am unsympathetic to? Are there any people whose actions I rightly know as sin but who I nevertheless fail to reach out to out of my own prejudices? I can't be a total victim here, because usually the things we dislike in others are mirrored in ourselves. If I can see what doesn't help when witnessing to homosexuals, maybe I can use those things to see what doesn't help when witnessing to others.

Christ's peace to you,
Jay

This is a long one, mainly because I’m at home and have nothing else to do. Enjoy!

This past weekend I had the opportunity to spend some time with my parents, my brother, his wife, and their daughter. It was really a great weekend. My brother, Rusty, is a very busy guy and we’re often separated by both distance and our own schedules, so it’s nice to get to spend some time with him. I used to see him all the time. Even after he moved away from home, he still worked at the high school that I attended, so I saw him every day and he was right there with me as I grew up. Because of this, we’re incredibly close. He’s much older than me, so in a lot of ways he’s like a second dad, and that makes me feel very blessed to have these types of mentors and guides around.

My close bonds with both my father and brother are mainly what has turned me off to the assertion that homosexuality is caused by a stunted or immature sense of masculinity. These guys have always supported me. I take the bonds I have with them, as a son and a brother, very seriously. I’ve always been assured that I was a man, even though I’m more artistic and gentler and stereotypically “feminine” than most guys. They’ve always been there for me. In fact, on the list of people that I felt comfortable “coming out” to, my brother and father were right at the top. Even after I’ve come out, they’ve continued to support me. It hasn’t changed our relationship at all, and in fact we’ve grown much, much closer.

Still, I am the youngest son and the little brother. I don’t mind those roles, of course, and I couldn’t help them. At the same time, it’s a little irritating to be the smallest. I don’t consider myself immature, nor do I see my sense of masculinity as such, but I still am young and so I still need advice and support every now and then. It’s nice to know that people have my back, but every now and then I want to know that I can have someone else’s back, and more importantly, that someone else needs me to have their back. Yes, I have my father and brother’s backs, but let’s be honest here: they don’t need my advice or opinion on much, since usually that type of advice is shaped by what they’ve raised up in me.

So, among my friends I’ve usually seen myself as a “big brother” type figure. I try to be the guy that has other people’s backs, who can spout off good advice and that people can come to when they just need someone to talk and listen. I think some people add this to my somewhat “feminine” nature and think that I’m being motherly, which is fine by me because it’s led to some good jokes on my friends’ part, but it’s not what I’m going for. I have a natural urge to care and look out for people, because I’ve always been cared and looked out for and I want to give that back. I just want to do it in a way that is distinctly brotherly. I think that requires a bit more personal space than mothering done. A brother looks out for you, but mainly he only does it so you can look out for yourself. This is also, incidentally, I think one of the main reasons I want to be a teacher.

Being a generally brotherly figure is something I try to do, then, but I didn’t think anyone would notice. Most guy friends are seen as being brotherly anyway, even when they’re being friends to girl (I have a lot of sisters out there, I guess). I was surprised, then, when one of my close friends recently took to calling me “brother” and “big bro.” Usually, the only person I address as “brother” is my actual brother, Rusty. He calls me the same as well (in English or in Spanish, which is kind of a weird quirk we have). It’s kind of an exclusive term, to the point where I don’t usually like when other guys call me “bro” (even in a Christian setting. I know we’re all spiritual brothers out there, but come on now).

Anyway, this friend is named Shane (well, not really, but for the purposes of anonymity he will be). He’s not the kind of friend that I would have expected to have. He lived in the dorm where I work, so that’s how we met. He’s a Buddhist, and also gay. We don’t really have much in common, but we became friends anyway. I was dating Hitch when we first started getting to know each other, and through that situation I explained to him my views about sexuality, religion, and celibacy. He didn’t agree, of course, but he was respectful (I’ve found that to be the case with most gay guys, actually. It’s a lot of my Christian guy friends who have problems for some reason). When Hitch and I broke up, he was there for me, even though I was doing okay and realized that dating Hitch probably wasn’t the best decision I could have made to start with (even though I don’t regret it because it taught me a lot of important lessons).

Now Shane had had a pretty rough year that year, mainly because he, like so many other freshmen, had come to college and decided to be a little too rebellious since he was finally away from home. He made some bad decisions, in both academics and relationships, and through it all I tried to give him the best advice I could, while being there to help him when he stumbled. It’s not quite the same situation as helping a Christian friend, because a lot of the beliefs and views are different, and thus solutions are also different. But still, I did what I could, and always showed him that I was there for him if he needed me.

We’ll be roommates in my apartment next year, and it should be interesting. Shane says I can be a little annoying sometimes, but he says he knows I care, which is why he started calling me “brother.” I call him the same thing, and it’s the first guy that I’ve actually felt was worthy of the title. My relationship with him isn’t totally based off helping him, of course, because he can put me in my place quite often as well. I haven’t made any headway into helping him become Christian or renounce gay sex, but I’m really trying to leave those particular things in God’s hands. He knows what I think, so I’m not going to pester him about it. That really would be annoying of me. Just knowing that two people who are so different can call each other brothers is quite a jump in itself, I think. Maybe a brotherly approach is something Christians should use to reach out more often.

Whew, that was long. Peace out, everybody.

Wow... I finished my last exam today. Now all I have to do is finish up a few little things and pack my belongings, and I'm done with my second year in college. It's very possible that my undergraduate career is half over (of course, it's equally possible that I might become a fifth-year senior; it's pretty common nowadays). Either way, I simply can't understand how time has passed by so quickly.

At the same time, I don't think time has passed so quickly at all. It's weird how two years can see fast and slow at the same time. I think people really over-emphasize the speed at which life passes. Sure, I remember my first day of college like it was yesterday. That, however, was a landmark event in my life, so it's natural it would be etched into my memory a bit more. The same goes with any landmark event, really. I remember lots of things like they just happened.

When I think back on these past two years, and I mean really think about them, they honestly don't seem that fast at all. So much has happened, only a fraction of which has been chronicled in this blog (or in my own handwritten journal, for that matter). It actually kind of amazes me how much stuff has been crammed into these two years. I have learned so much, met so many people, and grown so much that I don't really feel like the same person that I was two years ago.

I've often heard people use the cliche expression "appreciate your time" when talking to me (or people my age) about college. It's a true enough expression, yet at the same time I don't feel that I could do anything other than appreciate my time. I'm here, and this is what's happening, and I have no choice but to appreciate it by simply living. Maybe some people live without appreciating their situation, but for me, it almost comes naturally.

Maybe what they mean is to spend time doing things that you won't regret. I can certainly understand that, but regrets are a tricky business. There are probably many situations that were not good for me over the past two years, yet at the same time they have all helped me grow into the person that I am today, and I like that person a lot. Even though my college experience so far hasn't been completely perfect (nothing ever is), I still am glad for it.

Anyway, all of this is basically just to say that I have been in college for two years. Wow. I have also been maintaining this blog for about that same amount of time as well, and am equally grateful and appreciative for all of you people who (for one reason or another) have been reading. Thank you for everything. I'll be going back home soon, which means I'll be back on a dial-up connection. I still will try to blog, though, and I hope you all have a great summer!

It's funny how things just seem to work out perfectly sometimes. I don't know if it's correct or not to say that it's God doing, but often I think that could be appropriate. He really does look after me, in ways that I could never imagine.

For example, earlier this week I was stressing over certain aspects of election, theology, faith, and assurance. Then I just happened to stumble upon this gem of a sermon by J.C. Ryle on an almost equally gem of a blog. I won't really go over it here, because there's nothing more that I could possibly add to Ryle's superb writing style and his insight into faith and assurance. I know that I had had one really long and vague blog post planned, because my thoughts were scatterbrained. But then I read Ryle's sermon, and I really found a selection of his text expressed everything that I've been wanting to say about faith for a while, and in so many less (and more eloquent) words. Take a gander, read the rest, and have a great day everyone!

I believe it ought to be our continual aim and desire to go forward; and our watchword at the beginning of every year should be, “More and more” (1 Thess. iv. 1): more knowledge,-more faith,-more obedience,-more love. If we have brought forth thirty-fold, we should seek to bring forth sixty, and if we have brought forth sixty, we should strive to bring forth a hundred. The will of the Lord is our sanctification, and it ought to be our will too. (Matt. xiii. 23; 1 Thess. iv. 3.) -- J.C. Ryle (1816-1900)

Yes, the title is from a Macy Gray album (which contains these two amazing songs, among others, so give it a listen).

After several days of working on final papers and one heckuva portfolio, I've had a lot of downtime today. I've basically been enjoying the quiet time, listening to music, reading, and reflecting. Specifically, I've been thinking of the challenges and rewards that face those who try to be completely authentic (or as close to being completely authentic as can be achieved). "Authentic" is a bit of a weighted term, though. I guess what I mean to say is that it is a challenge to truly be yourself, especially in a society that is catering more and more often to the group than to the individual. This post basically follows the same theme of my previous posts about individuality and fitting in, but those were mostly about society's faults in accepting the individual. This is more or less about the individual's choices in being him or herself.

First of all, we have to understand what is meant when people say they are "being themselves." What is authenticity? What kind of people do we think of when we think of the most authentic people we know? Obviously, giving in to every elemental desire is not "being yourself," because convictions and inhibitions are also part of who you are. Also, saying every thing that pops into your mind is not necessarily being authentic, either. Sure, you may be honest, but honesty doesn't exactly have to equal rudeness (this is something I struggle with, by the way).

I personally believe that one of the defining characteristics of a true individual is a disregard for the thoughts and opinions of others. I don't mean a disregard for their feelings, nor do I endorse not listening to logical, thought-out opinions even if they contrast your own. What I mean to say is that if the thoughts and opinions of others influence your behavior in a major way on the sole basis that they are the thoughts and opinions of others (and not because you believe them to be true on your own), then you are lacking authenticity. I think this, personally, is the only way to live and be content. The only One whose opinion I hold as an influence is God. Of course, I am also influenced by people who are also followers of Christ and who care about me spiritually, but even with them I have to make sure that my own understanding of God (if it is Biblical) takes precedence, lest I do things for the wrong reasons. Those wrong reasons could be anything, from wanting to fit in to wanting to appear more different than I actually am. If you change who you are for the approval of people, you are making people into an idol.

But of course, I'm making this sound easy, and it's not. There are many challenges to being an unapologetic individual. One of them is, of course, that you won't fit in as neatly as everyone else, and might even get envious of people who do. But more than that, the temptation to want to hide who you are will also come, and it's hard to deal with. There are definite times when I've felt I should "tone it down" or perhaps not say my opinion just to make conversation go more smoothly. But what's the point of smooth conversation if you can't speak your mind? What's the point of toning it down if you best represent yourself by tuning it way, way up? Maybe I'm sounding a little extreme here, but I'm just starting to realize that being disingenuous really doesn't have any perks. Yeah, life is easier when you don't have to deal with weird looks and arguments and awkward situations, but at least that kind of life is honest. People may not like you if you are who you are, and that can be especially painful when they are people that you wish liked you. I suppose in the end it just takes confidence, and this is where a relationship with God really comes in.

If you know that there is a powerful, loving, merciful, perfect God who loves you just the way you are -- with all your personality quirks, struggles, ideas, feelings, and (most importantly) faith in Him, then how can you hide that person? Wear it on your sleeve -- all of it! Be careful, of course, to not put yourself in harm's way (at the same time, remember that they can only hurt your flesh), but don't avoid subjects -- be they trivial or important -- just because you might be the odd one out. This life only happens once. We are to be lights to the world and represent what God has done in our lives, and keep our focus on eternity when we will finally get the chance to completely be the creations God intended us to be. But how can we represent God and His work if we can't even represent who we are for fear of what others think?

There is a lot of trouble with being myself, and I pray I don't become too arrogant while standing up to that trouble, but I am happy to face that trouble for the rest of my life. If I am true to God and myself, then nothing else matters. This should conclude my posts on individuality for the time being. :-)

Peace, everyone (and yes, that's a picture of me. Can't quite get to the point of showing my whole face online, but at least I'm being myself). :-)

Easter Break 030